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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Dating, Marriage and Parenting

I have seen time and time again and while strolling thru the web I come across drphil.com and a feature about not fighting in front of the children. I wonder how many couples don't fight in front of their children. I guess this is also a question of how often you fight or if "fight" is the word to use. Some use the word too lightly. What some would say is a fight, others would call it an argument and if it is a argument then I believe that these should take place when they happen. I am one who cannot hold my peace but I am also one who can say that we don't fight, we argue infrequently. Actually I don't think we have ever had a "fight".
     
 My reasoning is that you can't send your children into a world where they think everything is fine and nothing upsetting ever happens. Don't put barricades up around you when you argue and don't continue to argue over and over about the same topic.In my experience I have known those that would complain about their spouse and a fight and if I knew them while they were dating I might say"wasn't he/she like that when you were dating"? The response of choice would usually be "I thought they would grow up" when they mean change. Don't marry someone thinking you can change them. If you think you want them to change then they aren't for you. Also, if they do change, it doesn't mean they won't change back. Generally the way one is after a few dates, is generally the way they are.and you aren't going to change them. One might even tell his betrothed that it will be different when they're married.no, it won't. Also the reason I say after a few dates is that is usually when they start to unveil themselves.What you see is not always (matter of fact hardly ever) what you get.people tend to paint themselves different shades when meeting people because it's human nature to want to be liked. As time goes by, keep your eyes open. Meet the parents and the family(they generally know the truth).Not only is love blind, but it is deaf and mute also.I saw an episode of Dr. Phil where these young women were so upset because a man they were dating wasn't who he said he was.They claim they were "in love" with the man. Then as it goes on, they never even met. They call it "online dating"! I might upset people but that is not dating. That's chatting. No , I take that back because chit chat or chatting requires hearing the others voice such as on a telephone. The only way to describe it is writing notes.We did this back when and we called it pen pal. That's it. Too many people believe these movies today where there was the one "while you were sleeping" where the woman falls in love with a man who was in a coma and she only dreamed about what he was like by his looks. This was meant as a light hearted comedy and fairytale. I will say this, there is online meeting, there is online messaging, There is no online getting to know each other, nor is there anything close to online dating. A date can be anything but it requires engaging one another in person.A date can be a walk in a park or down the sidewalk of a quiet neighborhood, or an exchange of conversation over coffee or even at a gathering such as a bar-b-que, But let's be perfectly clear, A date isn't sitting at a keyboard and typing a message back and forth. Not only can you tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyesbut, also reading facial expressions and attitudes about subject matter.Just because your computer gets a warm feeling doesn't mean your in love, love requires you to get that warm and tingling feeling because of chemical reactions, not electrical components warming up.That being said , I believe it's great to get aquainted or introduced to someone online, but if you never get to meet, your pen pals and thats where it ends.
that's my opinion on dating, in short, see the pic, send a message, talk on the phone,set a date, then set more dates, when you start to see that some dates don't need to be set, then your a couple, now get to know each other.
                                                                                                                     to be continued.....

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